On Burglars....

Mid-move had to go elsewhere for a family crisis.  Returned after 10 days to find hubby had unpacked very few boxes so am now inundated with unpacking.  Throat infection did not clear properly and went into my left ear, Eustachian tube and sinuses.  That was the least of my worries, however.
The family crisis got me thinking seriously about post-natal depression and psychosis.  How late can it happen after a birth?  And about verbal abuse - why is it that so often only men are accused of abuse when verbal abuse can also come from the female of the species.  Especially in provocation.  16 days of an action campaign against women abuse - what about the men one has to ask?  It is after all, with the tongue that women fight (am I right or am I wrong?).

So there I was, a guest in my own adult child's home.  Alone with his wife.  She in the master bedroom and I in the child's future bed in the nursery.  I took a muscle relaxant (for my neck) and a sleeping pill.  Nothing usually wakes me up from this combination.

Suddenly, at 2 a.m. I awoke with what sounded like someone (or more than one person) climbing over the garden wall.  "Doomf!!" went their feet as they landed on the ground.  Then the outside light right outside my window went off.  Now I knew that a burglary was in process.  I was waiting for the sound of breaking glass at the kitchen door.  I even thought I heard voices.  Up out of bed I ran down the dark passage and knocked on my daughter-in-law's locked bedroom door.  "Tessa!  Tessa!  Press your panic button!"  No response.  I banged harder and shouted louder, knowing the intruder/s would now definitely hear me.  Finally, Tessa appeared sleepily at her bedroom door.  I closed the door and we locked it.  "Press your panic button" I repeated "There's someone in the garden.  They are trying to break in.  They could be in the house by now!"  Tessa was unfazed.  She batted her sleepy eyes at me "Are you SURE?" she asked slowly "Your son also thought there was someone around and there was no one".  What is wrong with this crazy lady?  She is second-guessing me at a time like this!  "Listen to me Tessa.  I was woken out of a deep sleep.  I took a muscle relaxant and a sleeping pill.  I heard them jump over the wall.  I saw the outside light go off!!"  She pressed the alarm.  It was not the silent kind.  It whirred loudly all across the neighborhood.  She switched it off.  We listened for noises inside the house.  We phoned the police.  They were on their way.  Phoned the neighbours, but no response.  Switched the alarm back on.  Two women alone in the house with a sleepy toddler sucking at her dummy and looking at us in amazement.

 

The policemen arrived - all seven of them.  They searched the house, they searched the garden, they looked for scuff marks on the walls, they found nothing.  They stayed a while giving us security tips and assured us they would patrol the area.  Calmed down, we had some coffee and returned to our separate bedrooms.

Several nights later I lay in the same bed nodding off when I heard the toilet next to my wall and off the master bedroom flush.  It wasn't the flush that shocked me, no.  It was the suction, Doomf! sounds that were familiar.  And I clearly heard the light being switched off.  Yet it stayed on outside my window.  ?????  The night of the near-burglary Tessa did not have the outside light on.  So that explained it.  She had gone to the toilet at 2 a.m., flushed and the plumbing took care of the rest of the "burglar" noises.  She had switched off the bathroom light which had flooded the garden outside my window.  And in the middle of all this I had woken and reacted.  My face was red, yes it was.

It was red when I admitted my mistake.  It remained red until I realised that I had actually through an act of great stupidity actually given my family a 'burglary drill' and that several things were left wanting - a silent alarm to a security company - outside light left off - a table right up against the wall - and neighbours that needed Stay Alert Tablets.

Wow a lot has happened since I last posted!  We had my parents-in-law come to visit.  They were here one moment and gone the next.  Passing through, actually - but we managed to convince them to spend two nights by giving them our exquisite dreamland bed which has a mattress beyond compare!

They talked and I tried to.  I had caught strep throat from Francine.  This is the second time I have caught strep throat from Francine.  You know how it is with kids - they pick up all these bugs at nursery school/school or creches and bring them home to their parents.  Only in this case the bug favored me - the nanna.

So there I was, clutching my antibiotic, painkillers, analgesics and throat anesthetic spray promising myself I would go home and climb into bed (which I did).

I floated in and out of sleep hearing the voices of my mother-in-law and then my father-in-law.  I felt like death warmed up!

 

Hubby came in and said:

"We will need to give them our bed!"

I said:

"No, no, I am sick, I want my bed!" like a three-year old, clutching at my duvet for dear life.

Hubby said:

"There is no option.  We can't expect my parents to sleep on the fold-up couch.  It's awful!"

He had a point.  In fact, he was right.  There was no other solution.  I left the comfort of my lovely bed and went to join our guests...feeling like my throat was on fire.

They were very understanding and kind I must say.  My mother-in-law had a list of herbal remedies I could try.  She ran some ointment onto my head and down the side of my neck (which was also hurting).  But - I still needed to give them my bed!

"Whaaaaaaaa!!!!!!!"

And now my parents-in-law and my strep throat have all gone.  The house was all quiet and I crept back into my luxurious bed with a brand new appreciation.  I LOVE my bed.  Don't you?  

That was yesterday and today, I must start to pack!  We are moving AGAIN!  All this is waiting for me!!

It's enough to give a person a relapse!  More about our MOVE later!!

Smacking - is it ever condoned?

Hello again!  An update.  Francine (2.5 yrs old) was dropped off at my place last night after a week of bronchitis, vomiting and diarrhea.  For this she had taken strong antibiotics and it left her with a case of bad nappy rash.  So Nanna was the preferable place for her to be plonked.  What Nanna worth her salt would ever say "No" - ?  

Today I took the little mite (her weight has dropped to 11.46kg) to the clinic.  There she amazed me by sitting quietly waiting - and waiting, and waiting.

We waited for three hours!!  If she had been restless I would have had to leave long before that time.  I was duly impressed by her self control.  I was having trouble containing my own waiting for so long.

As we waited, a mother came in with a toddler clinging to her skirt and crying.  A cute little boy in denim clothing.  To my astonishment, she pulled his hand firmly away and carried on walking to her seat where she picked him up and almost threw him onto the chair next to her.  He was only about 18 months of age.  After a few minutes, she got up, pulled him up and whacked him once but very hard on his bottom.  He almost fell with the intensity of the smack.  The lady sitting next to me was horrified and so was I.  Shocked, she turned to me and said "Any other mother would have picked him up and pacified him!"  and I added "Yes, all he needs is some love and assurance - he is probably ill or petrified of this place".  Francine-Rose looked on mortified.  She crept onto my lap.

I felt a fury rise inside me as I heard the toddler yelling all the way down the passage.  Again, I told myself "Who will speak up for a little child?"

I had this vivid image of myself grabbing that mother from behind and pulling her around to ask what she thought she was doing.  And another image quickly followed of her giving me a resounding slap and asking what business it was of mine, then disappearing with the poor little fellow without getting any medical treatment.  Instead, I sat there wondering what I should do.

Before I could decide, the mother returned and the little boy was fast asleep in her arms.  She sat down and fell asleep herself.  I was still shocked at her former behaviour.  As I looked at her, one of the doctors walked by and stopped in front of her.  "How are you doing sweetie?" she asked the mother.  She responded by telling her she felt like death.

I sat back trying to feel sorry for her.  I thought back to the time I had little children and tried to remember how they can drive you to frustration.  I tried to have mercy.  She could have AIDS or TB.  She could have some other terminal illness - these were my thoughts.

But nothing could overcome the feeling of repulsion I felt for this large woman bearing down on that tiny little boy who was shuddering with unshed sobs as he slept in her lap.

Eventually, when it was time to take Francine into the doctor, I opened up and I reported her to the doc.  "Not much we can do.  Parents take offence when you try to interfere", the doctor said.

I walked off with Francine-Rose and her meds in her push-chair.  I had promised her a treat.  We went off to get it.  And as I walked I thought - if that was another adult and he had been assaulted in the same way - she could have found herself in trouble.

Is there ever an excuse for venting your anger on a defenceless child?

I think not.

This entry is dedicated to all little children everywhere who are abused either physically or emotionally.

All good things must come to an end!!

Can't believe I was recently spring-cleaning the house for my son and family's visit!  And they have been and gone already.  The days just fly by when you are having fun, don't they?

And fun I had.  Just take a look at what I did by clicking here.  Can you actually believe that was me with my fear of heights (now conquered!)?  I felt as if I could tackle anything after that amazing experience!  If ever the opportunity arises, I recommend it!

Amazingly, I did not need to take pain killers for my neck for 24 hours afterward - quite an interesting fact since it hurt me to have to look upwards and to my right for the camera.  I'm not an expert on these things - but I would say it was due to the adrenalin that probably remained in my system.

It was really an up and down time - literally!

What a shame that in today's world most families are separated by distance.  It must have been wonderful in days gone by to share co-existing homes or at least live in the same town to be able to pop in for a cup of tea and a chat, baby-sit or look after a family member in need of some TLC.

Until next time then - see you - I am off to take a pain killer (again).

Great preparations!

Great preparations went on in our home this morning - I guess the dust was flying and things which had been out of place for eons suddenly found a home.  That's because my son is coming to visit for a few days!  Hooray!  I think all the excitement I feel when we have a visitor turns into panic - the place can NEVER be perfect enough...and it's this way no matter who comes to stay.

My Mom was the same - you'd think the Queen was coming to stay she'd scrub and spring-clean for weeks.  Well I am not EXACTLY of the same moral fibre.  I gave up halfway through the morning in the study and tossed everything that was out of place into a box and made a promise to the box that I would sort it once my visitors have left.

How on earth human beings produce so much clutter between them, will forever remain a mystery.  Things deemed too precious to toss away - and most likely you wouldn't miss them if you did!  Oh no, but hold on a moment here - I stand to be severely reprimanded.  It's PRECISELY when you throw things away that you will need them the very next day after the garbage truck has been and gone.  Oh yes, I had forgotten - that is the way it is.  Hold onto it with all you are worth and carry it from home to home and guess what?  You'll NEVER need it (until the day you throw it away of course).  Murphy's Law.

Seriously, I wonder how many of us have longed for a home that looks as if it stepped right out of the latest Home magazine?

 

Guess this is what we all strive for...and many only achieve if they can afford holiday homes in far-away places - because then they are seldom used.  But - it's so nice to dream!

 

Mommy's back and everything is on a roll!

Okay, Mommy came back last night and Francine-Rose was with us again and was thrilled to be reunited with her mum.

This morning she wanted mum to sit and build blocks with her, but Mommy had other plans and naturally, she wanted Francine-Rose to accompany her.  They were great plans - going to the beach, whale watching, going to town - but Francine did not want to go.  She did not even want to get DRESSED to go.  So it was not only The Sneves she did not want to go with - and now I realise what's up.  Francine has had tooooooo many changes in her short life and she just wants some "time-out" - a stable place - no creches, no change in homes and flats, no spending days here and there - she just wants to be.

Some would call it a separation complex.  It's a natural stage she is going through.  So again, I had to let her be and just STAY OUT of it.

I don't know about this business of having a grandchild in the same town.  It's somewhat easier when you visit them or they visit you for a few weeks and then you part.  They have their place and you have yours.  

I was going to issue a warning to other grandparents "Don't whatever you do get too attached to the child of your single-parent son/daughter".  But that would not be love.  Love is risking hurt.  And rejection and all sorts of things - so just love, love, love.  You may get burned in the process - that's life and that's love!!!

And in exactly the same way as you love their parents - you have to love not being suffocating and clingy - but by letting go.

 

Who will speak for a child?

"And who am I?  What language do I have?  No language but a cry"

I have been haunted for days with the image of Francine-Rose, hysterical, broken-hearted and fighting off two grown men for 20 mins.

What happened?  Her father came to fetch her.  Her little face filled with pure, sheer, unadulterated terror when she realised what was happening.  I was powerless.  Powerless to do a thing.  Her mother had gone off to Cape Town and said that her "father" could take care of her.  He's been out of her life for so long and now he expects to be "accepted" - perhaps because the mother said so, perhaps because the Family Advocate said so.  You know how they "always work in the best interests of the child" - !!!  Sure.

So I had to stand and watch her outreached arms and instead of taking her to my bosom to console her - I had to try to comfort her.  Her grandpa and her father tried for 20 mins to strap her into the car seat while she fought her best to stop them in the only way she knew how as a 2 year old - by sobbing, by weeping, by saying no please!  

The father said "We are going to see Great Gran!  We are going to see Gran!" (The Sneves) but Francine-Rose cried "I don't want to see great gran I don't want to see gran".  I gave her one of her favorite dolls - Peter - and told her he was crying to go with her - but nothing helped - she wanted me, she wanted consolation.  She wanted to fight off two grown men.  She is after all, just a baby.

So he took Francine away, crying and there was not a thing I could do.  And furthermore, he refused to bring her back yesterday when I was supposed to care for her.  What did I do?  Go there and pull her away?  No, I didn't do a thing.  When I tried complaining to my daughter, she threw the phone down on me.

I have been unable to function ever since Francine left.  Where are my rights as her nanna?  The one into whose arms she went soon after birth, the one who lived in the same house as she did and watched her daily progress?  

What voices do Francine-Rose and I have?  No voices but a cry.  (I would welcome any comments).