"And who am I? What language do I have? No language but a cry"
I have been haunted for days with the image of Francine-Rose, hysterical, broken-hearted and fighting off two grown men for 20 mins.
What happened? Her father came to fetch her. Her little face filled with pure, sheer, unadulterated terror when she realised what was happening. I was powerless. Powerless to do a thing. Her mother had gone off to Cape Town and said that her "father" could take care of her. He's been out of her life for so long and now he expects to be "accepted" - perhaps because the mother said so, perhaps because the Family Advocate said so. You know how they "always work in the best interests of the child" - !!! Sure.
So I had to stand and watch her outreached arms and instead of taking her to my bosom to console her - I had to try to comfort her. Her grandpa and her father tried for 20 mins to strap her into the car seat while she fought her best to stop them in the only way she knew how as a 2 year old - by sobbing, by weeping, by saying no please!
The father said "We are going to see Great Gran! We are going to see Gran!" (The Sneves) but Francine-Rose cried "I don't want to see great gran I don't want to see gran". I gave her one of her favorite dolls - Peter - and told her he was crying to go with her - but nothing helped - she wanted me, she wanted consolation. She wanted to fight off two grown men. She is after all, just a baby.
So he took Francine away, crying and there was not a thing I could do. And furthermore, he refused to bring her back yesterday when I was supposed to care for her. What did I do? Go there and pull her away? No, I didn't do a thing. When I tried complaining to my daughter, she threw the phone down on me.
I have been unable to function ever since Francine left. Where are my rights as her nanna? The one into whose arms she went soon after birth, the one who lived in the same house as she did and watched her daily progress?
What voices do Francine-Rose and I have? No voices but a cry. (I would welcome any comments).
OK what I say you might not like...
ReplyDeleteOK?
First you do have rights as a Nana - and you do have the proof of love for her in her cries.
But you aren't being fair to the father. He really needed some help.
And it probably would have been a MUCH better thing to bring him over every day for a couple of days BEFORE he came to get her - to get her adjusted to him before he just came and took her away.
But you guys REALLY need to work this out. The poor kid is scared to death - but she HAS to be able to go to her Daddy. That's just FAIR... And later on down the road - it is the right thing.
Unless he is an abusive parent - or unless he is an evil man - then he HAS the right to see his own child and you shouldn't be standing in the way.
You should be hoping that he gives you ANY visitation at all...
But this doesn't mean it doesn't break your heart to see her cry... It doesn't mean you aren't a good person - and it doesn't mean you weren't taking care of her...
It just means that a 2 year old wants what it wants - and a 2 year old child is going to cry until it either tires, gets what it wants or is distracted - and you know this as well as I do.
Try - try to think of what is right for the father and the child. Think of what is right legally - and think of how he must feel - his OWN child screaming against him - not wanting to be with him. That must have been horribly awful...
And the other grandparents - well they are JUST as IMPORTANT as you are.
It shouldn't be a competition... between the grandparents.
It should be a VILLAGE raising each child.
The families should come together and work as one for the children.
But - remember your love for the child and remember NEVER to use the child between the parents or as a pawn to get your own way... Always for the best interest of the child and the legal rights of the child OK?
Just my thoughts - and I wish you the best of luck in understanding that a child cries and it DOES break your heart - no matter what the situation is... OK?
Good luck to you!
Many thanks for your candid response. I do appreciate it.
ReplyDeleteI actually did feel sorry for the father when this took place - but I was also angry with him and my husband - because on retrospect he should have said "Come on in for a coffee" and let Francine calm down, play around him a bit and get accustomed to him again (he has been in rehab).
Also in retrospect I have been thinking how I would dislike it if someone just came up to me and said "You are going to do this or that now". We all need preparation. As in "Francine, you are going to have a bath in five minutes...or your Daddy is going to fetch you today and you are going to play with your other grannies...." But we did not have that privilege so I can understand how the little mite felt.
Thank you for commenting.
God bless you.